Business Writing

How to Get Rid of a Troll

Posted on by Anthony James

I have a troll. Do you? Trolls slither over the internet. They start as lurkers, then get brave, creep out and spit things at you. 10 out of 10 trolls feed on attention.

Negative or positive – they don’t care. Attention is the oxygen that keeps them going. Here’s the story of how I found my troll and what we may do next?

How did I get my troll?

I found him on LinkedIn. Or rather he found me. Then (this is true!) he popped up on my site. Odd, I thought, but ‘hey, it’s the web’. Then played peek-a-bo on Twitter (sad but true!) and back on my website again.

Little trolls fingers go click, click, click all day, looking for the next place to make a ‘stand’. Paradoxically, most trolls are highly-moral and like to sermonize. Middle-aged trolls especially. I guess the kids don’t listen to them at home, so they wander online.

Etymology of Trolls

Troll is possibly a truncation of the phrase trolling for suckers derived from the fishing technique of slowly dragging a baited hook from a moving boat, waiting for fish to strike, a technique known as trolling. The word also evokes the trolls portrayed in Scandinavian folklore and children’s tales, as they are often creatures bent on mischief and wickedness. The verb “troll” originates from Old French “troller”, a hunting term.

6 Signs of Trolls

  1. Clinging to the high moral ground. They live there. Convenient, I guess.
  2. Looking for a ‘fight’.
  3. Having the last word. Trolls can’t rest unless they’ve had the final say thus…
  4. Finishing tweets with the word PERIOD. Remember: it’s one-way traffic with these folks.
  5. Warped pleasure in others misfortunes. Grammar police are often pseudo-trolls or apprentice trolls.
  6. Quoting. Prepare to have biblical passages & Gandhi thrown at you. They’re better than you!

What to do with Trolls?

There are different ways to approach this:

  1. Don’t correct them when they misquote passages.
  2. Agree with them. This confuses the troll. What to do next?
  3. Give them the last word and pray they go away.
  4. ‘Even if this is true……’ and give your side
  5. Although this is on-topic..’
  6. Don’t DM your troll. Ever!
  7. ‘Can you provide a source for this…’

We’ve nicknamed our troll Spartacus. He’s a bit of a joke at the table.

‘Any word from your Spartacus today?’

Over to you

Do you have a troll or trollette? How did you get rid of it? We’re hoping it will go away but sometimes I wonder what he’s doing now…

Anthony James